Meditation or Medication?

About a week ago my feet began to start giving me a bunch of trouble.

I did not listen to my body and I over did it several days in a row.

Pushing myself to be the mommy that could still "do it all"

(see, I feel guilty about my body not working right)

Now, I am experiencing a flair in symptoms.

This means increased numbness, foot drop, spasticity, weakness etc.

I take medication to calm the spasticity in my legs and help the damaged nerves

 in my feet connect up with what my brain is asking them to do.

My medication works good, except the first hour I am ridiculously drowsy.

I called my neurologist and asked for a change in medication.

My nurse called back and told me to take a little less if I am feeling drowsy or dizzy.

HUH?

When my symptoms flair, I have to take more medication!!!!

As I fussed to my nurse, she said you sound stressed.

(she is right, I feel stressed)

Then my nurse suggested I meditate instead of more medication.

WOW!

I really needed to hear that!

See, I believe in alternative healing!

However, when my body is going bonkers it is 

much harder for me to stay focused on meditation.

So, this week instead of an increase in medication, 

I am going to try meditation.
For me, it is best to lay down and meditate (requiring NO ENERGY, yay!)

I like to use a guided meditation at night (plus my sleep meds), to help calm my mind before bed.
My favorite one, I found on youtube, is
Kelly Howell~Guided Healing Meditation

I also like to play yoga or meditation music on Pandora.

A prayer:

God help me not nutt out.

Help me stay the course.

When it gets to be too much,

remind me that you are there.

God help me rest so I can heal.

AMEN

xo

Olivia

Walk the line

Here I wobble again

objects  flying out of my hands

feet numb

 stiff and burning.

Memory trying like hell to find 

my inner warrior.

A cave of darkness invites me in

to sit,

to rest,

to watch my beautiful busy world fly by.

Too stubborn to give in,

I throw caution to the wind and 

walk the line.

I struggle to stand

kicking up everything in my path

longing for normal

desperately needing rest

I refuse to give.

Trying to find balance

patience 

that is only of the angels.

I curl up in prayer

drawing strength

finding the warrior 

stirring in my stillness.

xo

Olivia

How are you feeling?

When I was first hit by my chronic condition, 

I wanted to talk with family and friends ALOT about what was happening with me.

I quickly learned that when my loved ones asked how I was feeling, it would wreck my day to go into the details of the mysterious symptoms I was experiencing.

(I'm still undiagnosed and balancing precariously on the "probable MS" fence.)

As always, I seem to learn the most about how to cope from other bloggers.

So here is a lesson by one of my favorite bloggers Doug at My Odd Sock.

 

 How are you feeling?

“How are you feeling?”
I get asked that a lot.

Notice My Odd Sock's scowl.

“Can my family stand under your enormous head to get out of the rain?”
I’ve been asked that one too.  (I have a rather large noggin)
But not nearly as often as being asked about how I am feeling.

And it is not just doctors, family members and close friends doing the asking.
I’ve been asked that by casual acquaintances (folks who know I have MS) as well as people I’ve just met…
“Nice to meet you.  So, you have MS, huh?”
“Yes.”
“How’re you feelin?”

Sock needs a "mood ring."

It has gotten to the point that I want to wear a big sign around my neck so I don’t have to repeat myself!


I know they are simply concerned for my well-being, but geez–this is overkill!
If you have MS, you probably hear the same question—and are probably just as tired of answering.

The Funny Meter

Yeah, I know, Funny Meter.  There is no humor in this piece.
You want funny?
Go watch a GOP debate and leave me alone.

Funny Meter taking a different approach.

Noo, I didn’t have my funny bone surgically removed.
I’m just being grumpy.
Hey, Fox’s “Futureama” is on TV–I dare you to go find the humor in that!


Sorry.  Now where was I?
I know exactly how you answer the question..”How are you feeling?”
You smile and look down before finally saying “I’m doing all right.”
(I’ll take “Let’s Change The Conversation” for 200, Alex!)
What? Are you going to depress them into a coma with your bathroom issues, fuzzy vision or episodes of muscle spasms?  Hell no.  You suck it up and reply “I’m doing all right.”

We as MSers are not alone.  People living with cancer or other diseases probably go through the same, daily interrogation.  And I can only imagine they answer much the same way.



Please share your response to being asked “How are you feeling?”
Do you give a generic answer?
Do you go “middle of the road?”
Or do you give the full blown account?



How am I feeling?  Pretty darn good now that that’s off my chest.

by Doug at My Odd Sock

So in order for me not to wreck my day and someone elses I have taken My Odd Sock's advice.

Thank you Doug for teaching me early on that pretty darn good is the best answer.

I also like "hanging in there" or "up and atta em" .

If you want to laugh out loud stop by and visit My Odd Sock!

Hugs to all!

Olivia

How Yoga can help chronic conditions

I have posted before on how beneficial Yoga can be for managing chronic pain.

So, here I go again.

Last night my legs began to cramp and stiffen becoming downright unruly!

I experience spasticity in my legs, similar to leg cramps deep in my muscles.

Sometimes, it is not too bad and other times the pain is so deep it brings me to my knees.

Spasticity is a feature of altered skeletal muscle performance in muscle tone involving hypertonia; it is also is referred to as an unusual "tightness", stiffness, and/or "pull" of muscles.

Honestly, I felt WAY too tired and WAY to grumpy to do my yoga.

I flopped down and curled up angrily on my yoga mat.

Despite my mood, I turned on the yoga tape, hoping to do at least a couple of the stretches.

(Healing Yoga for Common Conditions)

Eventually, I coaxed my stubborn body into the routines.

I pushed myself to finish the whole tape.

Low and behold, 

I found some relief.

I do this yoga routine every day.

Here are some of the benefits yoga offers for MS:

(NOTE: THESE BENEFITS ALSO APPLY TO MANY OTHER CHRONIC CONDITIONS!)

~List courtesy of Yoga Therapy Ireland~

 

• Yoga can help the body’s own self-healing mechanism and may slow down or even halt the disease process.
• Yoga increases energy and counteracts fatigue. Most exercise programs ask you to expend a lot of energy; yoga, by contrast, helps you to conserve your energy so fatigue lessens.
• Yoga can help lift depression. The sense of well being brought about when we practice yoga can greatly help lift the depression which is often associated with MS.
• Yoga has a beneficial affect on all body systems, improving their function. The respiratory system is strengthened, digestion improves, immunity is enhanced, the nervous system is soothed.
• Yoga stretches keep joints from becoming stiff and muscles from becoming weaker. People with an illness are often afraid to use their bodies, so the mind limits the body. However, the beauty of yoga is that the simplest stretches are often the most effective. Moreover, yoga postures can be modified to suit everybody regardless of how disabled a person is. Yoga can be practiced from a wheelchair or even a bed.
• Yoga breathing techniques along with meditation rest the brain. When you have MS, the brain becomes both excited and fatigued at the same time and so it is important to rest it by focusing on the breath.
• Yoga does not need any fancy equipment, you can practice at home.
• Yoga improves sleep patterns and promotes a feeling of well being.

Do whatever it takes to find a way to stretch.

Make it important in your daily routine.

Your chronic body will thank you!

xo

Olivia

High Heels?

Today I was cleaning out my clothes closet, sorting things that would stay 

and others that needed to be donated to the resale shop.

Buried underneath a bunch of clothes were my high heeled shoes.

I found my favorite pretty little low heeled sexy gold and silver summer pumps.

 It is summer and I notice alot of daring ladies are wearing very HIGH heels.

I have not worn high heels since last fall, due to the balance problems and nerve damage in my feet.

 So, I decided to see if I could still walk in them.

To be on the safe side, I choose the lowest heels in my closet.

Timidly, I slipped my feet into the low sexy gold summer pumps I adored.

Holding on to the closet shelf I got my balance and wobbled from the bedroom to the kitchen.

I did not fall!

Feeling a little courageous, I pushed back my shoulders a bit 

and imagined myself how I used to walk in heels. 

I braved my way back to the bedroom.

I felt pleased that I made it back to the bedroom without crashing!

 However, this little trip in my pumps hurt my feet really bad and was kind of scary.

Even though I stepped with caution the pumps shot painful nerve sensations into the bottom of my feet.

Any further and it seems like I might be doing downright damage to the already fragile condition of my feet.

Deep down in my heart, I knew I would not be wearing any of my sexy shoes anywhere.

I could have easily tossed them all in the thrift store box and never missed them.

However, something tugged reluctantly at my heart and I decided to keep the high heels.

I shoved them back into a corner and out of the way, because, 

I sensibly knew I would be grabbing for my flip flops.

My little girl , who is five, promptly pulled them all back out 

and arranged them neatly on a shelf out in the open.

She admired her work and told me my shoes were 

very beautiful and they needed to be out where I can get to them.

I asked her, where in the world will I wear these shoes?

She assured me that I could wear them out on a date with daddy to a fancy restaurant.

Knowing full well, I could not wear them, I left them on the shelf.

I left them there as a disguise and maybe even a tiny bit of hope.

A disguise that I was still a "beautiful mommy" who could get dressed up 

and go out on a date with daddy.

A tiny bit of hope that I would slip on those sexy summer pumps and sashay out the door in them.

Even if that means putting a pair of flip flops into my purse to change into.

xo

Olivia

The Dream

I like to use alot of music and artistic therapy to manage my pain...this is a dream I have had for 17 years , that I have been trying to write into a poem...I finally nailed it. Enjoy.


The Dream

Dreaming in unison I fall into the safety of your arms
I glide and dance floating freely.
My heart is weary but I let go and become entangled.
Wrapped in the light.
I rest.
Free to love, I melt into you.
Free to cry, the pain goes.
Always there, I see your face and hear your voice.
Mellow and loving.
We dance moving into one another.
It is so warm here.
I rest.
I see your smile,
sense your laughter.
My heart soars, I can hear your voice singing to me.
You kiss the top of my head,
holding on a little too long.
You let go.
I fall.
My eyes flutter open.
I still feel the warmth,
see the light
I know you are there.
I close my eyes to bring the dream back.
To feel your arms back around me.
I feel the coolness and stillness of my bed.
I squeeze my eyes again,
the rest is gone.
The sun comes and I know it is over,
left to linger in my morning coffee,
the mystery.
I am alone again and it is chilly,
My heart bleary,
begins to search for you in a song.

~~xo~~
~Olivia~

Foot Drop

So, when does your foot drop?

(Definition of foot drop)

Last night while driving my son home from baseball, my foot began to cramp up and lose flexion.

By the time I arrived home, my spasticity was ramped up and my foot was dragging.

Before I started doing yoga, I was struggling with this every day, all day.

I was also taking medication all day to help keep that foot moving.

Since starting the yoga, 

I do not have to take as much medication during the day and generally my foot does pretty good.

Now, it seems that when I have over done it, my right foot acts up. 

 To give my body a fair chance, I have had very little rest time (during the day).

I have been a busy bee, with ball games, painting furniture, theme park, church etc.

Six months ago was my first real rough attack 

and it left me 

with widespread nerve damage, the worst of it is in my feet. 

I can honestly say that after my first attack my feet did not begin 

to really recover until I started doing yoga.

My body got pretty out of balance and dysfunctional.

So, I started with stretching that I could do from a chair.
Go to youtube and type in multiple sclerosis foot drop exercises.
You will find a peppy English gal that has some really easy and realistic videos with exercises that will give you an easy start.

 I do yoga EVERY DAY to beat back the spasticity and foot drop. 

The yoga I do is 45 minutes at home and it is 

called Yoga for Common Health Conditions.

You can also search youtube for "healing yoga" and "beginners yoga" to find one that suits your body.

I also listen to healing meditation at night 

and adhere to a pretty strict whole foods diet.

I am mindful to do these things every day.

However, no matter how mindful I am

 my body has limits that need to be respected.

The reality is, I cannot push myself physically like I used to.

Resting my body is just as important as yoga and whole foods.

Last night my body reminded me, I must go easy on it.

So, I guess my foot drops when I get too tired and over do it.

My prayer:
God help me learn to balance my life.
Help me learn to listen to my beautiful chronic body.
Give me strength to continue on this path and stay mindful of the journey.
AMEN
xo
Olivia